Confess and Remain by Rev. Gabrielle Martone at Pearl River United Methodist Church on Sunday 2 February 2020
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Romans 5:1-11 NRSV
Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God. And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. Indeed, rarely will anyone die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die. But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us. Much more surely then, now that we have been justified by his blood, will we be saved through him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more surely, having been reconciled, will we be saved by his life. But more than that, we even boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
So, for the last couple of weeks we've been talking about our mission statements, about who we are. That we are rooted in grace, and new growing, and faith, and that we are reaching out with God's love. And now it's time for us to shift a little bit ... not just so much on who are we as Pearl River, but who are we as Christians. And what does it mean to be a part and participate in the kingdom of God?
Today, we start with everyone's favorite thing. How many of you grew up Catholic? It's okay. Raise your hand. There's no shunning here. We're going to start with confession. Okay? Now, any of you who grew up Catholic, or have experienced Catholicism via the media or study, you will know that there's this really important part of the Catholic faith called 'confession.' And a basic rundown from a non-Catholic, you go to a priest and you tell him all of the bad things that you have done, and then he tells you that you're good to go after you do X amount of Hail Mary's, and X amount of our Fathers, and you leave, and you're good again.
A lot of us begin to think that that's the sum total of what it means to confess. For a lot of people, confession is really difficult. Do you know what the two for me ... the two most intense stumbling blocks to people experiencing the fullness of the Christian journey is shame and guilt. And while confession in the Catholic church is supposed to absolve you of those things, sometimes it doesn't. And for the rest of us, confession can be a really difficult and painful task that leads us to a realm where we are controlled by our shame and our guilt.
Have you ever watched true crime TV shows? I'm all about that lifestyle. That's a confession. Watch a lot of true crime documentaries. Watch a lot of ... listen to a lot of true crime podcasts. If you ever watch Law and Order, there's a couple of moments in the sequence of events in which after interrogating a suspect, the cop will say, "If you just tell us what you did, it will be easier." Or for those of you who have raised children, "If you just tell me what you did, we can work on a solution together."
I can't deal with what I don't know. Or how many of you have had to go to a spouse, or a parent, or a loved one and say something that you didn't really want to have to say? "Hey, mom. Hey, mom. Hey, dad. I really screwed up, and I'm really afraid about what's going to happen." And for those of you who have any sort of parental figure in anyone's life, wouldn't you rather your kids come to you and say, "Hey, mom. Hey, dad. Hey, auntie." Whoever. "I really screwed up, and I'm really afraid."
Because what we look for is a place of acceptance and wholeness. I remember the first time that I got a speeding ticket. I know for all of you, speeding tickets may not be that big of a deal. But I had a perfect driving record. Okay? And for me, driving was a complicated experience, because I am a year younger than everybody else in my grade. I turned 17 November of my senior year of high school. All of my friends turned 17 our junior year of high school, which meant that they all had their licenses in New Jersey. I don't know what it is in New York. In New Jersey, they all had their licenses, and they all had cars, and they were all driving. By the time I turned 17, everybody else was 18 and had their full license. And in the town that I grew up in, they all had cars.
I didn't need to drive, because all of my friends drove. Even though I got my license, and I had my little provisional thing, and I got to carry that around, I didn't do a lot of driving. Because only a couple of months later, I shipped off to Massachusetts, and I didn't need a car ... or I went to college. So, I was really afraid of driving. When I graduated from ... I would come back, and I could take the car out, and I was fine. But I was your very stereotypical ... I'm not going to look anybody in the eye. Your very stereotypical, older person who drives really close to the car, and really slow, and doesn't pay attention to anything else. None of you in here drive like that. I know.
But that's all I did. I drove not a single mile per hour over the speed limit. I was terrified of the highways. I just didn't do it. I get all my friends to drive. Then I graduated from college, and moved back to New Jersey for seminary, and was starting my first church. And I realized commuting from Sussex County, New Jersey to Princeton was going to require that I was on a multitude of highways. So, I better get over my fear of driving real quick. And I did. And then I learned that my car goes real fast, and I learned where my gas pedal was, and I learned how to drive like you're very stereotypical New Jersey driver.
In my second appointment, I am driving down Route-57 in Washington, New Jersey out in eastern Pennsylvania. And I'm driving on this ... it's a country road, but it's what we considered our highway. And this big black truck pulls up behind me. You know what I'm talking about. The big, with the really big wheels, and the really loud music, and the really obnoxious driver who is ... I could have popped my trunk open and he could have gotten inside of my trunk.
So, I sped up. And it was a beautiful September day, and my windows were down too, and I was listening to country music, and I was not paying attention to my speedometer, and I got pulled over in front of the church I was serving ... across the street from my treasurer's house who happened to be home. Yeah. And the cop said to me, "Where are you going?" And I said, "I'm on my way to church. See? The name on the license and the name on the sign are the same." I have a meeting. I got a ticket. Did not work.
And I had to call my parents. You all know if you've listened to me preach before that I am an overachiever. Right? I am the good child. And I had to call my parents and go, "I screwed up. I got a ticket. My perfect driving record is ruined." And then approximately six months later, I got into an accident with my dad in the car. I backed into a truck. It was not good. Then I had to call my mom. "Mom, I was with dad. Screwed up."
Or as many of you have heard before, when I was real close to being on academic probation when I was in college ... having to call my parents and say, "Hey, I really screwed up." I had to confess my stuff and it was terrifying. Because as you know, your parents, your spouse, your children can say anything in response to you being vulnerable enough to be able to say, "Hey, I fell short again. I didn't live up to the person that you wanted me to be." You know how when your parents say, "I'm disappointed in you?" Right?
And all of you parents out there know that hurts way worse than you being mad at me. Your parents look at you and they say, "I'm not mad. I'm just really disappointed right now." And there's something in there that just kind of cuts differently, because it didn't live up to the person that you wanted me to be. And most importantly, I didn't live up to the person that I knew I was supposed to be.
Confession is about being able to go to God, and the people around us, and be able to say, "I fell short. I messed up. I didn't live into the person that you have called me to be. I have not done the things that you have told me are best for me. Not because you want me to follow the rules, but because you want the best life for me." Because legitimately, I think that that's what God is all about. It's not about, "Did you follow all of the rules that are listed?" It's: here are some guidelines for how you live your best life. Because God looks at us and says, "I created you, and I want the best things for you. I want you to be able to experience this life with grace, and love, and hope, and joy. And here are the guidelines that we set up so that you can live your best life."
And when we step over the line, we carry with us shame and guilt, because we know we didn't do what we were supposed to do. So, there's two options. You either never tell and you carry that with you. Like that time my sister in my dad's truck backed into a light pole at work, and dented the bumper, and never told my parents. Now, all of you parents know that my dad noticed right away. She was in the driveway no longer than five seconds, and my dad walked out and went ... But being a good parent, my dad said nothing, and just waited, and waited years. He waited years for her to say, "Yeah, I backed into a light pole at work."
Or my little sister who, before she backed into the light pole at work ... when was probably about 21 ... her birthday was just this weekend. She's 23 now. We're sitting at the dining room table, and she proceeds to confess to my parents. It was like one big confession experience about how when she was in kindergarten, she led a coup. While the teacher took another child to the bathroom, she got everyone to stand up on their chairs and refuse to do work for the rest of the day.
This is confessional. This is something she's been carrying inside of her since she was in kindergarten, and she felt the need then to tell my parents and confess, because it was something that weighed heavy on her heart. And the shame and the guilt laid heavy on who she was. In the same way that when you and I hold onto the things that we do, when we mess up, whether it's really small or really big, it weighs heavy on who we are, and we become people that we don't particularly like.
You all know that as you begin to carry things on your soul, your attitude changes. You become meaner. Those walls come up. You push everyone around you away, because how could they love you if they knew what you had done? And the guilt eats away at who you are. But what God says to us is that because Jesus Christ lived and died for us, we have already been reconciled. And that there is nothing that we can do that will ever separate us from the love of God.
And so we confess our stuff. Right? In Greek, the word for sin is hamartia. It is an archery term, and it means "to miss the mark." So, you know when you pull back on a bow, and you're aiming for something? The Greek word for sin means that when you let it go, it doesn't hit your bullseye. Sin is any time you and I miss our mark. That we don't hit that bullseye. Sometimes we do it ... like, we just missed it by hair. Sometimes we missed it by yards. But all of it, if we confess where we've been, and our brokenness, God reminds us that we already belong to him. So, that shame and that guilt that we have carried with us is not absolved because we have told somebody, and we've prayed the appropriate amount of rosary things. But it is absolved because Jesus Christ loves us, lived for us, and died for us.
And the freedom that I felt when I got to call my parents and say, "Hey, I screwed up," and my parents said, "Let's work on a solution together. We still love you. We can do this, and figure this out together." The freedom I found in that is the same freedom, even more freedom, that when we confess to God and God says, "I am with you always in spite and despite the ways that you missed the mark. We can do this together."
We experience freedom. Freedom from our shame and our guilt. And when we can remain in that continual relationship with God ... because here's the deal, none of y'all are perfect. I'm not perfect. I miss the mark all the time. All the time. But I remain in the presence of Christ knowing that God loves me even when I miss the mark. In the same way that as you confess who you are, God holds you in the palm of His hand. Remain with Him, and find the freedom that leads to eternal life today and every day. Amen.
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